It irks me. I don't need you to do, what you think I want you to do. Not at all. We are all living our lives in a way that should make us happy. But you cannot be sulking or complaining on any level around me and expect me not to try and advise you out of that attitude. That's a vibe I cannot dwell
"It's not what you say, its how you say it?" Yo! That one is my absolute pet peeve. So I'm probably a little annoyed with what I've just had to say to you for the 100th time and you want to be nit-picking at my tone of voice. Do you even know how much control its taken for me to not cus and gwan as much as I really want to?! OK...So its not that what I said wasn't accurate and spot on or a bitter pill for you to swallow and digest; we're just going to overlook all of that so you can focus on being vex with the inflection in my voice? Mate....I'm done! But I'm not really, because I promise you if a situation arises where I have to speak on the issue again I will most likely do it again and get in trouble for it...again! I just can't help myself! There was a time when I wouldn't say anything and repressed it, expecting people would come to the necessary revelations without me saying anything and I used the excuses like I'm the youngest, people won't listen to me or who am I to say anything; I'm not some kind of expert or perfect person. And when I tried to use this excuse to my partner he got mad at me and said don't ever not speak truth because of your age or some other dead excuse. Speak the word and if they hear it good, if they don't oh well.
In a similar way, have you ever been offended by someone maybe by the way they have handled a situation but you don't say too much because, just because you wouldn't handle it like that doesn't mean they have to go about it in the same way as you. So you avoid talking about the situation and try to be 'mature' or whatever (!) so you don't cause a war but then, the other person keeps doing things that just add fuel to an already burning flame, so now you're a walking time bomb. This is why I like to get things off my chest because I don't want to blow up on anybody. If someone deals with me in an off way, as far as I am concerned they cannot be offended when I respond in kind or I do the mature thing and ghost on them! When a conversation can't be held for some clarity and understanding, it just makes sense to go separate ways and focus on yourself, your grind and your family. But what about when its your family... This one has been the hardest for me to deal with especially when you live in the same proximity as them. Sometimes I handle it well that this particular family member has chosen not to talk to me (I actually don't have a clear reason why because they have never verbalised it to me or anyone - so I just make assumptions) and sometimes I am frustrated, annoyed and petty! To me, life is simple. A conversation will clear up any misunderstandings. If you're good, I'm good and we all get back to living our lives. Carrying around emotional weight is unnecessary and pointless. You hold yourself back and you hinder your own growth. This is why, I learnt to get over the fact that sometimes I won't get a sense of closure and I need to be able to move on without it, for my own sanity (Now I Feed My Soul).
I really don't think I'm always right and that's a judgement that gets placed on me or people like me a lot. If I'm incorrect in what I have actually said about your situation, then I will hold my hands up and apologise. I lose nothing by giving someone an apology and reassurance that my intention isn't to hurt them. In fact I will take my ideas to a few different people who live completely different lives and ask them if I'm being crazy, erratic or insensitive and based on the agreement of ideas I will solidify my position on an issue! Critic is a difficult thing to deal with. Of course no one wants to be made to feel like they're failing or doing wrong but it's important to understand that no one can make you feel anything. Your decision to feel in that particular way about what was said to you, is on you. It's something for you to reflect on and understand. It's for you to make sense of but not to blame the messenger for presenting something to you that you either have not been able to objectively see or to amend yourself. I've been critiqued many times and I listen to what's being said. If I feel like I need to explain something about myself then I will but I will try and hear what is being said and not what my feelings are saying, about what is being said. Because that will hinder me from growing or learning. I know that when those around me speak to me about a decision I am making or about to make, it comes from a place of love; a desire for me to live my best life and one that will not hurt me in the near or distant future. That's the kindness they extend to me, that we extend to one another when we speak about situations and circumstances.
It's not an easy thing but it is not an impossible thing to handle. Criticism is what helps us to learn about areas we can further develop. When a loved one raises a point its likely they are just seeking the best for you and making sure everything has been considered before permanent decisions. That's a gift if we learn to change our perspective on critique. No one is obligated to take anyone's advice but that's all it is advice. Take it or leave it. But there is no need to get vex about someone offering it to you. To those who go in on me when I need it, who advise me on different matters, thank you. I am stronger, wiser and better for it.
Drop a comment about your thoughts on this! Maybe I'm wrong...let me know!
Chantal x
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